All of the firsts

Overwhelmed with the support I have received with my first blog, I hope you enjoy this one as well. 

When I look back now I can’t even remember a lot of the firsts but I remember the way it made me feel. The first time I met my husband, the first time I realised I wanted to marry him, the first time I said ‘I love you’. Today’s blog will about as many firsts as I can remember and want to share.
The pregnancy test
I will never forget this moment and I have told it a few times to people over the last few months. Back from honeymoon, adjusting to everything, married life, moving house, changing my name etc. I’m out for lunch with my friend Amy, chit chatting away over breakfast and I can’t quite remember how it started, but she mentioned about me being pregnant, I laughed and then just went into a typical Kavita denial mode. The most frustrating thing about Amy is, she is always right! I went home. Took the test.
Positive. I cried. Took another test. I cried again.
We went out that evening to celebrate a friend’s birthday in London it was such a blur, I just kept zoning out thinking. “I’m pregnant” a few minutes later I did the same thing. I felt amazing that night, confident and happy, you could say I was glowing. 
The next day another pregnancy test was brought, a top quality digital one. Pregnant, it read 3-4 weeks. Okay, this is real, doctors appointment booked (which you don’t have to do any more by the way – did you know that?) we then told the parents. 
The pregnancy began. (I will talk more about the pregnancy, midwives and birth, just not today.)
We have so many first and we will continue to have them, I have decided to pick a few I think are important, exciting and funny. 
First time I held him
I was on the operating table, scared that 1. I wouldn’t make it and 2. He wouldn’t make it. I felt the most indescribable pain in my life. Three maybe four professionals doctors push down on the top of my chest towards my tummy and all I could hear was “have you got your camera, your baby is on their way”. That was when Roger stood up and heard his cries. My baby was alive. I just shouted out, “Is it okay? What is it?” All I heard was “Take a look”. Then I saw him and he weed all over the consultant – That’s my boy! I heard his cry and my heart literally stopped. I cried, my husband cried and he said to me “You did it!”. We did it. We created a little baby boy. Everything else was such a blur, even the first time I held him. I remember it, I remember feeling incredibly scared. He was so small, so precious but he was mine. I created him. Next thing I remember is being extremely cold and wanting my husband, it felt like forever, I just kept looking around the room wondering what was taking so long. Finally, I was reunited with my family. My family. Wow. I held him, he took his first fed on me, I gave him food and we both called him Rohan. Rohan was born. 

Wednesday 9th May 2018 at 22.43, emergency c section. 
The first feed
Wow. That was the most painful experience of my life. Oh, it looks perfect was all I ever heard. My reply “It hurts like hell” before I knew it I nipples were cracked and on the verge of bleeding, my boobs were solid and painful to touch. I would cry out for help from the midwives. They were helpful at times, not interested at others. Told me I was doing it all okay. They didn’t make me feel confident just that I struggled to feed my own baby. As days went on it just became harder by the fifth day of feeding I couldn’t take it anymore. We brought an emergency express pump. Had expressed with the help of my mum and sister in law. 
The feeling of failure of not being able to feed my baby, it something that will stay with me forever. I couldn’t feed my baby and I had to do something, we decided we had to give him formula. I had family members judge me for this but you know what, no one else did. Yes, I gave my child formula, he wasn’t just a breastfeed baby. Some mummies cannot feed, I tried my hardest and I still get upset at the thought of failing my son. But he is fine with formula. He is happy, growing and developing just fine. 
The first car ride
This I remember every day. Rohan was so tiny in the car, I felt every bump in the road and my husband must have driven the slowest he has ever driven. We were both so nervous and scared that we were solely responsible for this little human just three days old. What the hell do you do now?
The first night at home
This one deserves a blog to itself. 
The first bath
Don’t put too much water in the bath, stop it you are going to drown him. No, don’t wash his hair that way. The look on Rohan’s face and the crying, the shock was so sad to witness. The first bath was scary. Someone so small and precious being 100% dependant on two people who let’s be honest didn’t have a clue. Now bath time is the best time, his face is amazing, he splashes everywhere and hates leaving the water. But for me, I was lucky my mum helped me with so much, explained everything to me, showed me how to be a mummy. That was by far the best gift she could have ever given me, Showing me how to be a mummy. The only manual to parenthood you will never receive. 

The first public poo
If you were there with me during this experience, I hope I do the story justice. Rohan was still very little, I was and still am very nervous about being in public with Rohan. We had a massage class it wasn’t one of Rohan’s favourite classes but I still went as it was a group of us. I was feeding Rohan and we were just minding our own business. I then heard the noise we all dread as first-time mummies with a public poop. I stripped him down and started changing him, I wiped him and removed the nappy, like I have done many times. Silly naive mummy didn’t realise he hadn’t finished yet. More poo came out. With a little help from my friend she put another nappy down, it did help but it wasn’t enough more just kept coming. We had a total of four poo’s, I couldn’t stop laughing, well if I didn’t laugh I would have cried. Rohan had no idea what was going on, I felt like everyone was staring at me but now I think about it, I really do doubt they even care, all first-time mums who were just trying to keep our babies alive each day. 

There are so many firsts and I could be here all night writing this. The first time you are pooed on, weed on, sicked on. The first tear, sleepless night, first food. The first smile, giggle, crawl or wave. But what I would say is enjoy them. Everyone knows I take lots of photos and most of the firsts I have managed to captured and I also live in the real world and enjoy it. It isn’t possible to do any firsts wrong because you can’t do anything wrong. Everything is the way you want to live and grow your family. Everyone can share their experiences or show you the way they do it, listen to them but ultimately it is up to you how you want to raise your little family.

You can always say or see what I am doing on my social media pages.