I love my breasts

No, I really do. Well I did until I had to use them for breastfeeding! 

How can something so important make you feel incredibly insecure about yourself? I just don’t understand. We are strong women, we should be proud and confident, we shouldn’t have to hide away in a room or cover up everywhere we go. Do we as adults have to sit away in another room or want our dinner under a cloth? I will help you out, the answer is no! So why do we do it?

 

I can tell you why I did it – I was made to feel uncomfortable!

I can tell you why I did it – I was made to feel uncomfortable, first time mum, in such pain after an emergency c-section sitting on a very uncomfortable hospital chair and all I wanted was my mothers help. Instead I sat holding my son being stared at through a tiny gap in the curtain. From that moment, I felt like I had failed my son because I felt judged for not being able to feed him, I felt like my every move was being watched. Whether this was me being paranoid or whether it was hormones, eitherway breastfeeding for me was far from normal and far from perfect.  I wanted to disapear into a dark room and never have to experience the feeling ever again.

When people say, a pictures says a thousand words, what do you think the the photo above says? I am doing okay, I am enjoying motherhood, I am loving breastfeeding? Well, it isn’t. My mum took this photo after everyone walked off to play crazy golf, I was left behind because my son needed a feed. I tried to breastfeed him, we both ended up crying. I then gave him a bottle, he settled and I was still able calm him enough for him to fall asleep. 

When I was able to feed my son, I loved it!

I loved my breasts in a different way once I learnt that they offered a healthy feed to my son and that it created a strong bond between us, but I also felt like a failure when I couldn’t feed him. What I should have realised is it wasn’t about my breasts at all, it was about the opportunities I gave my son. I just wish I understood ealier and enjoyed those moments, because no matter what, he is a healthy little boy now and I wouldn’t be anywhere without my breasts – the BREASTS I once hated and I now LOVE! 

With love
Kavita, The Unlikely Mummy