Mum Guilt – is it a real thing?

“Mum Guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness or uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry they’re failing or falling short of expectations in some way.” 

Why do we as mothers feel the need to place judgment on each other? We have all done it, so please don’t tell yourself you haven’t. We have all looked at that child that was screaming or give your partner that look when a baby gets on a plane. But you know what, that mother has probably struggled to get to that point so instead of judging maybe offer a helping hand. 

Today we took our son swimming and there was a fellow mum whose baby was struggling a little, crying and wanting to move about, so I offered help because sometimes you can just offer and sometimes that offering means more than anything because us mums should stick together. My little man, moans and cries out a lot. Sometimes I would like a little help. Don’t get me wrong, I have had strangers come up to me and talk to me or talk to my son and he has stopped crying, but the shame you feel and the guilt you feel it is horrible. 

I have mentioned it and will still mention it in other blogs about my return to work and the guilt I am feeling about doing that. I know it is for the best for him and my family, but it will be hard. I had a difficult one-sided conversation which resulted in me spending the rest of my day in tears looking at my mum and simply thinking how much I have let him down in the space of a day. The overwhelming sense of guilt I felt because I have let him down even though everything I want to do is for him. I will continue holding my head up high, achieving the best I can, even if that means I have to go back full time against my wishes.

I have been reading lots of blogs explaining what mum guilt is. Some suggest ways of reducing or removing it completely. But I know I will feel it everyday. If I decide to have a little lay in or I want to spend that little longer having a shower, I feel guilty for leaving him for that moment, which makes my decision of having to go back to work full time even harder for me. Mum guilt I know will overtake me and I hope it won’t make me reject everything and not enjoy the precious moments I will have, as I take advantage of every second. Already my husband and I, well mainly my husband is trying to help me with my mum guilt and we have exciting plans, with returning back to work, means we have little extra cash so we can give our son the best opportunities such as holidays and experiences. It is the memories you make and the opportunities you give that will give him the best start in the world. I might miss out on a lot, but I can equally give him so much more. So, let us all think for a moment of why we get mum guilt, is it because you want to be around more? Is it because you feel you don’t make the most of your time? Well let’s stop right here, and make a promise to one another – just make the moment count, teach, grow and play with your little one. If you are away from them more than you want, make the moments you are with them matter more, because they will feel the love no matter what, they will have the best start in life and you can always change your stars later on in your life, plenty of time to do whatever you like – you set the rules. 

Mum guilt is a real thing, but we need to change something in our lives to change mum guilt to mum smiles, mum love and mum happiness.