Did you watch the video? The first time I watched it, I could only watch 45 seconds. That was all I could watch before I started crying. 45 seconds and every feeling came flooding back to me. It didn’t take long at all. It took me to the following morning to watch the rest.
I felt uneasy, I felt proud, I felt scared, I felt happy. I felt all those things, and so many more emotions, I felt them because it was as if Kate was talking to me. It felt like she understood my battle, she understood my journey with motherhood. I too, like Kate was lucky to have my mum and my husband support me, I was lucky my Health visitor saw signs and referred me to counselling, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, I was disappointed that I couldn’t fully give this tiny innocent little baby all of me.
I was scared that I was hurting him by not loving him enough. But the worse thing was the fear of being judged by everyone around me for not coping. I hid the fact I was having mental health problems and that I needed counselling, I lied to everyone around me telling them I was okay and I love motherhood, but the truth is, I hated it, I dreaded when my son woke up in the morning and then dreaded being alone with him for 10 maybe more hours in the day. I dreaded having to go out in public with him, I feared it and that was when my anxiety hit the roof. I reached out to my doctor at my 6-week check (and wait for it) I was told to “get over it…just baby blues” – Can you believe that?? Get over it … just baby blues!! First-time mother. Afraid, scared and alone.
We need to talk about mental health. I want to work with you to help you. I am not an expert, I have no qualifications but I lived it, I am living through it now, I have been referred to more counselling. I am not trying to be negative, I am trying to turn my feelings into something that will help someone else. I am trying to get through each day and be positive. Just look at my Instagram account to see how I am trying.
It is why I started #giveyourself5minutesaday and one day it will take off and more people will participate and will do it! It is hard. Motherhood is hard no matter who you are. Let’s stop pretending and let’s start talking.
Please ask for help – see links below for organisations that might help.
You can always contact me via the About Me page.